I want my wagon back … Part 1

It truly sucks when you fall off the wagon. Especially if you’ve been perched high up there, atop the hay bales, basking in the sunshine, and feeling all positive and pleased as punch with yourself.

Like I was.

We are now – if you can believe it – a quarter of the way through 2014. Three months gone. Already.

And how am I doing with my #FocusEnergy2014 project? How am I going with my big plan to restore my health and my energy levels to where they should be?

Pfffttttttttttttttt … sums it up quite nicely.

I am on my butt. Wagonless. After falling off it, and watching it roll away. Way away.

I guess I kinda did jump, actually. It was no accident that I toppled off.

The thing is, I took a bit of a hit last month that blindsided me.

After months of struggling with an ongoing health issue, I was advised that instead of the minor procedure I was originally told I’d need to put things right, I actually need quite a major operation.

It’s nothing sinister, or life threatening. Thank goodness. It’s just not what I expected.

It is nothing like what I expected.

And almost three weeks on, I’m still reeling from the shock of it.

Surgical operations are not something I have a lot of experience with. Consequently, the news has knocked me majorly off course. And I don’t do ‘off course’ very well.

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I’ll be honest, I haven’t even thought about #FocusEnergy2014 these past few weeks. It’s been a bit like walking around in a befuddled stupor. In slow-motion. And yet the days have just flown by. So. Ridiculously. Fast.

I’ve been really vague. And terribly stressed. I’ve functioned OK, but I’ve really only gone through the motions and done what’s necessary. My achievements have been few and far between.

It’s understandable, and I’m certainly not beating myself up over it. I’m just not very happy about it.

I want my wagon back.

Right now, I’m shaking off the last vestiges of stunned-mullet dazedness, and I’m ready to climb atop those hay bales, and bask in the sunshine again. April will be better. Much better. I just need to focus my energy. And find my wagon.

Please let me know if you see it, yeah?

What do you do to get back on your wagon after a fall (or jump!)?

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Au revoir January … and hello to you February!

January is over already.

I wrote that down so I could read it back to myself. Because I need to actually see it to believe it.

January is over already.

What the? 

It is just stunning to me how quickly the time flies these days. Even slow, lazy days flash by way too fast. It’s scary when you stop and think about it, isn’t it? Which is why I try not to. Not too often, anyway.

January was a really good month for me. My naturopath worked her magic and got me feeling like me again (read about it here).

Then I kicked off my #FocusEnergy2014 project by getting stuck into my list of monthly mini-goals (read about them here). I would love to tell you that I nailed them all with my eyes shut, while standing on my head, and singing New York New York at the top of my lungs. But I’d be lying.

I haven’t managed to stand on my head in years.

All bad jokes aside, I didn’t do too badly at all. Here’s how it all went:

Establish a gym routine by going three mornings a week
I only missed one day. One measly Monday. On the Australia Day long weekend. I’m really happy with that result. What I am most happy about though, is that going to the gym is now an ingrained habit. Which is exactly the outcome I wanted.

I was foiled by a national holiday
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Focus on nutrition, water intake and sleep.
Nutrition: I cut right back on dairy, gluten, alcohol and refined sugars, and I feel a lot better for it. I also kept a detailed journal for most of the month and tracked what I ate and drank. It’s a really good exercise to do, because it makes it easy-peasy to see any issues that might be lurking. I very quickly discovered that I need healthier snack options on hand, so that I don’t grab for the wrong thing when hunger strikes.

Water: The thing about drinking water is, it’s really easy to forget to do it. Which is why I bought myself a water filter jug that now lives permanently on my kitchen bench. I also carry a one litre pop top drink bottle with me everywhere. Throughout the month I managed to build up to drinking two litres of water a day (three, on really hot days), plus three or four large mugs of herbal tea. The improvement in my skin was noticeable after only two weeks. My skin on my forearms had been looking all old and dried up. Now it doesn’t. Result!

Say hello to my new best friend
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Sleep: This one still needs more work. The naturopathic supplements I’m taking have certainly helped with the quality of sleep I’m getting, but I still need to work on going to bed at a consistent time each night. I’m carrying this mini-goal over into February.

Tie-Up 2013’s loose ends
I left this one right until the very last minute. Technically I didn’t even achieve it because I didn’t start it until this week. By which time it was already February. It is done though, so that’s the main thing, right?

Thank you Universe. For sending me this kick up the butt.

Au revoir January, my friend. You were really good to me. Thank you.

And hello to you lovely February. What do you have in store for me, I wonder? Where will I focus my energy this month, hmmmmmm?

It just so happens, I’ve got it all sorted out.

Firstly, I need to do some more work on my sleeping habits, so this one is being carried over and gets top billing.

Next, I’d like to start managing my time a lot better on the days I’m not working. I tend to get distracted easily, and I’m a very proficient procrastinator. The result being that I never quite achieve everything I set out to do. It’s frustrating and it causes me stress. So in February, it will change.

Not any more. No sirreeeee Bob ;o)x

And finally, it’s not spring yet, but it is time for me to have a clear out and get my cupboards and pantry and spare rooms in order. I felt so unwell last year that I didn’t have the energy to do much at all, let alone get stuck into a much needed de-clutter. Thankfully this year is very different, which means that this month I can begin.

Now then, please excuse me. I need to get this show on the road. February is a short month and I have a truckload (or three) of stuff to get sorted!

Was January good to you too?
Can you believe it’s February already?

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It had to be two …

So. There I was. All fired up and gung ho about finding my word for 2014. My one word to sum up everything that I’m aiming to achieve this year.

One word is all I needed.

Just one.

I began with quite the extensive list. Then, over the last week, I managed to whittle it down to a couple of really strong contenders.

On New Year’s Eve eve (aka the 30^th), I went to sleep with my two remaining words swirling round and around in my head. I told myself that whichever word was the first one I thought of when I woke up, was THE ONE.

It worked a treat. I found my one word easy peasy. Piece of cake.

It is <drumroll> …

FOCUS

(FYI ‘Positive’ came in as runner up.)

I was really happy with that. I liked my new word a lot. It’s no secret that I need to focus more. And I need to get better at finding and maintaining my focus.

Between you and me, I have a tendency to be a bit scattered. It’s because I try to do too many things at once. I know that. I’ve always been like it. So naming this year, FOCUS 2014 was right on the money.

I had it all sorted.

Or so I thought.

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On New Year’s actual Eve, after our guests had left, and after my husband and my party animal daughter had crashed out on the couch together, I sat down at the computer to see what the rest of the world was up to.

I checked out the latest headlines, and I scrolled through my FaceBook newsfeed. Then I logged in to my blog to see what had been happening over there.

A new comment had been posted on my 2014 … Bring it on, I say! post. It was written by Kelly, whose fab blog – A Life Less Frantic – I follow (she’s from Perth too).

The first and the last sentences Kelly wrote bopped me fair and square between the eyes …

“Gosh I love you Jo and the energy you bring to everything you do!”
“Can’t wait to see where your energy takes you in 2014 xx”

It was around about then that I did my very best ever stunned mullet impersonation.

<blink blink>

Who, me?

The one thing I have probably struggled with the most in 2013 is low energy. Not just the obvious, tangible physical energy, but the intangibles too. The metaphysical energies; emotional, spiritual and mental. It’s been upsetting and frustrating and also quite debilitating. A big part of my 2014 plan is to work hard on restoring my health and my energy levels – all of them – to where they should be.

He’s a bit of a clever clogs that Anthony Robbins
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I eventually went to bed on New Year’s morning with another word doing the swirly thing in my head.

Energy.

When I woke up it was still there. And so too, was Focus.

I like them both. I am unable to choose just one over the other. So I am going to have them both.

It had to be two …
#FocusEnergy2014

Kelly’s timing, and her choice of words, could not have been more perfect. Or ironic, really. I am so chuffed that despite my body’s physical lack of energy, I haven’t lost it completely in the metaphysical sense. I figure I can’t have. Not if Kelly’s felt it through my written bloggy words, right? You have no idea how inspiring and how encouraging that is for me. Because I honestly felt like I’ve been zapped of absolutely everything.

She’s a bit of a clever clogs too, Kelly is. Without knowing it, she has helped to set me fair and square on my path for the next 12 months. Combining Focus with Energy can only equal greatness. And flow. Thank you so much Kelly. Your lovely words were the catalyst I didn’t even realise I needed :o)x

Ok, so, where to from here?

Well, my starting point for #FocusEnergy2014 is to use the 31 days of January to develop a few new habits. These are my Monthly Mini Goals for January:

Firstly, I will be taking myself off to the gym three mornings a week for either a power walk or a bike ride. I need to establish a gym attendance routine as a matter of priority. So I’m gonna get me one.

Next, I will be focusing closely on my nutrition, my water intake and my sleep patterns. So, nothing major there then. Much.

And lastly, I want to tie up all the loose ends and unfinished business left over from 2013. You know. That pile of stuff that you never quite got to in December because Christmas was breathing down your neck? Yeah. That. I need it gone. (Note to self: Dumping it all in the bin is not an option.)

Right then. Let’s get this #FocusEnergy2014 show on the road. You are more than welcome to jump on my bandwagon with me, with your own set of Monthly Mini Goals, and come along for the ride.

Go on. I dare ya ;o)x

What will you be focusing on this month / year?
All hints tips and advice for boosting energy will be most gratefully received.

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My Stinky Butt Year

This time next week, it will all be over. Christmas Day and Boxing Day. Finito. Kaputski.

And in just two weeks we will be fully living in a whole new year.

Just quietly, between you and me,
I. Cannot. Freakin’. Wait.

It’s amazing, isn’t it? After all the build-up and the hype of the last few weeks, 2013 will be done ‘n dusted. Over. Buh-bysie. It’s gone so unbelievably fast.

I have approached this festive season from a very different angle this year. I decided way back in August to take the pressure off myself, because I knew that if I didn’t, I would get to now and not be coping very well at all.

It’s not my usual style. I usually thrive under pressure. But I’ve had a bit of a rough trot this year, and I guess I’m old enough and ugly enough to know when it’s time to put my hands up and call a ‘time out’.

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My darling daughter decided in January that she wasn’t going to be a perfect sleep-through-the-nighter anymore. So from the beginning of this year, until just a few weeks ago, I have been permanently sleep deprived. Thanks to her nocturnal shenanigans.

Then, in March I travelled over east to a fabulous health retreat. From which I returned as sick as a dog.

Isn’t it ironic.
Don’t ya think?

What started as an annoying cough, developed into bronchitis and asthma. I then got hit with Influenza A. It all went undiagnosed until I saw doctor number four, who prescribed me a fourth mega-dose of antibiotics and ordered a battery of tests. I saw her earlier this week, and she has finally given my lungs the all clear. I no longer need to rely on two different puffers each day to help me breathe. Yippeee! Result.

Now then, I won’t bore you with the details of the other health issue I’ve been dealing with since October, but suffice to say that us women really do have it tough.

We are brilliantly prepared as tweens for our transition into womanhood. Pregnancy and birth are covered by a ridiculous amount of information and oversharing. But there’s bugger all readily available info out there to prepare us for when we reach the other end of our, ahem, hormonal life.

After another round of tests, I have discovered that I am not yet menopausal, but I am definitely heading that way. My body is preparing for it in ways I didn’t expect or even know about. It’s stressful and it’s very upsetting. Particularly as I still don’t have all the answers, and the medication I’m taking is causing my face to break out like a pubescent teenagers.

Nice. Thanks a lot.

So, ten months of sleep deprivation, plus nine months of struggling to breathe, and now two months of hormonal upheaval (so far), equals one very exhausted and miserable me.

I look like shite. And I feel like shite. And that was loudly confirmed to me on Wednesday when I arrived at the park with my three year old daughter, only to hear my friend’s little girl ask her mummy if I was Kate’s Nanna. Ouch.

Out of the mouths of babes, huh?

I could have cried. In fact, I very nearly did. Right there. In the playground. I wanted to throw myself down on the grass and scream about the injustice of it all.

That’s what I wanted to do. But of course I didn’t.

I felt so rotten. I really did. I am still struggling with it now, to be honest. But I have managed to centre myself and remind myself that what I am dealing with is minor in comparison to a lot of other people. It’s nothing.

And it can be fixed.
All of it.

I just hope Tony doesn’t decide to trade me in on a newer model like he did with one of our old trucks last week. There’s still a few good miles left in this old girl yet. I just need some repairs and maintenance work done to bring me up to scratch.

She’s been put out to pasture. Fingers crossed I’m not next ;o)x

Do you remember Queen Elizabeth gave a speech in 1992 in which she referred to that year as her Annus Horribilis? It’s Latin, and, unsurprisingly, it means ‘horrible year’.

My sense of humour has always been a tad on the immature side, (and I love a good [or bad] bit of toilet humour), and I remember giggling stupidly to myself at the time, that it sounded like she was saying she had a stinky butt.

Hahaha, the Queen’s got a stinky butt.

Yes. I know. Immature much.

Anyhow, I have been reflecting a lot on my 2013 this last week or so, and I have decided that it has definitely been my Annus Horribilis. My Stinky Butt year.

Don’t get me wrong, lots of wonderful things have happened this year too. I am so very blessed in so many ways. But I would be lying if I said I’m not looking forward to drawing a line in the sand under 2013 and taking a flying leap over it into the very shiny and new 2014.

I have already decided that next year is going to be MY year. I haven’t fully worked out the grand master plan of exactly how it’s going to happen yet, but I do know one thing; I will NOT be arriving ANYWHERE in December 2014 feeling or looking like anyone’s bloody Nanna. Thank. You. Very. Much.

Watch this space my lovely BabbleOn’ers. There is An Annus Mirabilis – A Wonderful Year – about to begin.

How was your 2013? Was it stinky butt-like or was it wonderful?
Do you have a grand master plan in place for 2014?

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Dream a little dream of sleep …

I am dreaming of fresh, crisp sheets. Of fluffy pillows and a soft, warm quilt. Of floating on a cloud of blissful slumber for a full eight hours. Uninterrupted.

I am day dreaming, actually. My eyes are wide open.

They’re wide open a lot more than they’re closed lately. I haven’t had the pleasure of experiencing a proper closed-eye dream state for a good 11 months now.

I must be a breastfeeding mum, right?

No, no. I’m the mum of a three year old little girl who clearly decided in January that 2013 is the year that her mummy needs to learn how to function on as little sleep as possible.

Her plan is working a treat. I feel like shite. And I look like shite. But I am functioning. Barely.

She likes to add insult to injury whenever she possibly can.

She’s a sly little minx about it too. Just when I think I’ve nailed her latest issue and finally hit one out of the ballpark, she throws me a set of her fastest curve balls yet.

Strike one. Strike two.
And st-RIIIKE THREE!
I’m out.
Sent back to the bench, draggin’ my bat behind me.

The latest weapon in her arsenal is to have a mega tantrum at bedtime. This past week they’ve lasted up to two hours. She’ll happily pull one out in the middle of the night too. If I don’t let her get into bed with me.

I’ve stopped her doing that, because, a) in my opinion, it’s a very bad habit to get into, and b) waking up with one side of my body completely dead is not pleasant.

Feeling dog tired is one thing.
Feeling like a dog tired, crippled old hunchback granny is quite another.

She can’t articulate the reasons why she’s doing it, but I suspect the problem is that she’s having bad dreams.

Oh the lucky, lucky child.
I am so freakin’ jealous.
I would give anything for a dream right now. Even a bad one.

Almost a whole year of sleep deprivation seems to have sucked my sense of humour dry, unfortunately. It has left the building. Gone. Random acts of laughter are sadly missing from my emotional repertoire at the mo. I honestly never thought it was possible to be too tired to laugh. But it is. Believe me.

So when I discovered this very fitting comedy sketch by English comedian Michael McIntyre the other day, it was a relief to feel the rumble of a big belly laugh brewing. By the end of it I was laughing so hard, the tears were flowing and I was gasping for air.

Do check it out. It is so worth a couple of minutes out of your day. I challenge anyone who has experienced bedtime kid wrangling and child induced sleep deprivation not to laugh.

(If you’re pressed for time, start it at 2:23. That’s when the big laughs kick in)

I know this sleep issue phase will pass. Just like the crawling phase, and the nappy phase, and the temper tantrum phase. Although, she is a girl, so that one may take a little longer than the others, right?

I know I’ll look back in years to come and smile nostalgically about it all through gritted teeth.

The way time is flying, it won’t be long before I’ll be struggling to get her to drag her sorry butt out of bed by midday. That will most likely coincide with more broken nights for me. As I lie awake in my bed, waiting to hear her key in the door as she comes home from a big night out. I doubt I’ll sleep until I know my little chicken is tucked up safely in her nest.

So I guess I should consider this phase as training. For what lies ahead. And in the mean time I will just have to accept that I feel like shite. And that I look like shite. And that broken sleep is the new black bags under my eyes.

Just quietly, though. If you happen to have a spare eight hours of unwanted sleep lying around that you’re happy to part with, let me know, yeah? I’ll take really good care of it. I promise.

Pretty please?

Do you have any hints, tips and advice for this poor, weary mama?
Or how about sharing a sleep deprived horror story of your own?

Done ‘n dusted

It is done.

Ocsober.

I challenged myself to Lose the Booze for thirty one days, and I’ve made it out the other side. Unscathed. Still in one piece. And feeling really very chuffed with myself. I’ve obviously got more willpower than I give myself credit for.

It’s a long way to the top!

I’ll admit it, the first week was really difficult. Looking back now though, I think that was more to do with refined sugar withdrawal than anything else. Mrs CrankyPants made her presence felt that first week. Big time. It wasn’t pleasant. But it also wasn’t life threatening. Quite the contrary.

I can honestly say that there were only two or three times during the whole month that I really fancied a glass of red wine. I didn’t have one, of course. I just diverted my attention elsewhere. Generally in the direction of either the sparkling mineral water bottle, or my hefty stash of herbal tea bags. It worked a treat. And I’m really committed to making sure I continue to do that from here on in.

I can’t speak highly enough about these guys.

You see, I grew up in a household where alcohol was a part of everyday life. Come five o’clock every afternoon, like clockwork, I would hear the base of a stainless steel wine goblet hit the kitchen bench. Then the fridge door would open. Followed by the sloshing sound of white wine hitting metal.

That cycle of sounds would continue on a loop throughout the evening.
Every single day. Absolutely no exceptions.

So, from a very young age I was conditioned to think that it’s quite ok to consume multiple glasses of wine each day. Plus maybe one or two more. For good measure. And a brandy or three on the weekend.

I didn’t know any different.
I thought that was what all grown ups did.

I now have a small daughter of my own. She’s only three years old. I don’t have the desire, or the inclination, to be a consistently heavy, daily drinker. I do however have the ability to be a consistently light, daily drinker. Very much so.

The last thing I want is for my daughter to arrive at adulthood with a story even remotely similar to the one I’ve just shared. No way.

I want her to grow up with the knowledge that drinking alcohol in moderation is absolutely fine. That drinking it every day is not necessary. Because it’s really not. Neither is it healthy. On oh so many levels.

I am so very grateful that I discovered the Ocsober program when I did. It was perfect timing for me. It’s taught me a lot. Attempting to eliminate gluten, dairy, caffeine and refined sugar at the same time was a very big call though. I didn’t do too badly, although I did slip up a few times, especially towards the end.

Of all of the things I eliminated (or tried my very best to), refined sugar was definitely the hardest to relinquish. Which tells me that’s the one I need to work on the most.

No problem. I’ve conquered Ocsober. So I know I can do it.

Are you strong in the willpower department?

P.S. I would just like to sincerely thank everyone who donated to the Ocsober cause via my personal Ocsober web page. I really do appreciate your support so much xxx